Almost reassuring (not really a nightmare)
Sep. 5th, 2014 07:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eskil_douglas[Warning: Self-esteem issues]
”...no.”
The light is nearly blinding and he can barely make out the contours of the one who stands before him. But he knows so keenly who it is - though the person is a complete stranger to him. It’s like looking into a mirror, and as the light fades he sees himself clearly.
“Yes, it’s me. Or should I say that it’s you? It doesn’t matter really,” says his own voice coming from himself that isn’t really himself, or perhaps it’s he who isn’t himself.
“Why are you... why am I here?”
“You know why, don’t ask questions you know the answer to.”
“But I don’t know, I know nothing anymore - I don’t even know who you are. You used to be... someone else.”
The other him laughs softly. “No, Esse, not really - we are still the same, though we’ve changed, we’ve grown... we’re learning.”
He shakes his head. “I... don’t know if I can believe in that,” his voice catches in his throat, “I’m not sure what to believe.”
“I know, I know you’re struggling.” A gentle embrace. “And I know it’s not easy, but don’t give up - you’ve come too far to give up now.”
“You’re kind to say so...”
“I am you, any kindness of mine is yours. It is you who are sweet and brave and determined. You made the choice to be those things, to fight when you so easily could have just surrendered.”
“That’s... that’s not true... I’m none of those things,” he says uncertain. The disembodied voices of his so called family murmuring in the background.
“Don’t listen to them, Esse.” The other him moves his hands to cover his ears. “They are wrong and you know they are wrong - so don’t listen to them.”
“But I hear them all the time... they are always there... and I don’t know how to drown them out now that... I don’t know how to... I don’t know.”
“... then wake up, drink your coffee, pet the cat, write something, go for a run...”
Eskil nods.
~ He wakes up and groans, tired but unwilling to sleep.
”...no.”
The light is nearly blinding and he can barely make out the contours of the one who stands before him. But he knows so keenly who it is - though the person is a complete stranger to him. It’s like looking into a mirror, and as the light fades he sees himself clearly.
“Yes, it’s me. Or should I say that it’s you? It doesn’t matter really,” says his own voice coming from himself that isn’t really himself, or perhaps it’s he who isn’t himself.
“Why are you... why am I here?”
“You know why, don’t ask questions you know the answer to.”
“But I don’t know, I know nothing anymore - I don’t even know who you are. You used to be... someone else.”
The other him laughs softly. “No, Esse, not really - we are still the same, though we’ve changed, we’ve grown... we’re learning.”
He shakes his head. “I... don’t know if I can believe in that,” his voice catches in his throat, “I’m not sure what to believe.”
“I know, I know you’re struggling.” A gentle embrace. “And I know it’s not easy, but don’t give up - you’ve come too far to give up now.”
“You’re kind to say so...”
“I am you, any kindness of mine is yours. It is you who are sweet and brave and determined. You made the choice to be those things, to fight when you so easily could have just surrendered.”
“That’s... that’s not true... I’m none of those things,” he says uncertain. The disembodied voices of his so called family murmuring in the background.
“Don’t listen to them, Esse.” The other him moves his hands to cover his ears. “They are wrong and you know they are wrong - so don’t listen to them.”
“But I hear them all the time... they are always there... and I don’t know how to drown them out now that... I don’t know how to... I don’t know.”
“... then wake up, drink your coffee, pet the cat, write something, go for a run...”
Eskil nods.
~ He wakes up and groans, tired but unwilling to sleep.
