Fearfully familiar (nightmare)
Aug. 29th, 2014 02:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eskil_douglas[Warnings: Racism, homophobia, emotional abuse]
“I am very disappointed.”
Once again he stands in front of his desk, face down, hands anxiously curled together. “I know father. Please forgive me.” He knows he won’t be forgiven, he’s never forgiven.
“Now how could I forgive you Eskil? How could I ever forgive what you have done? You do know what you have done - how you have once again disgraced yourself and your family - don’t you?”
Eskil can do nothing but nod. Of course he knows he could never do anything right. He’s been told so since... forever.
“You have abandoned your family, shot your own brother, you sided with the Adelswärd’s and you had an affair with another man, a foreign man at that. Do you realise just how much of an abomination you are?”
No, no - I am not. Tears run down his face.
“You are pathetic! Even in your devious, immoral and disgusting ways you couldn’t even manage to keep a dirty frenchman happy - don’t you see how much of a failure you are?”
“I tried,” Eskil chokes out, “I tried so hard.”
“And you failed - as always!”
“No - it wasn’t my fault, he said it wasn’t my fault... it’s not my fault... it’s not.” Eskil sobs.
“Of course it was - it’s always been your fault, why do you think that would change now?”
“Because you are dead! I am free now! You’re dead! You’re not real! It’s not real!! Nothing’s real! Stop, stop this, stop it, stop, STOP!!!”
~ Eskil wakes up shouting and shivering.
“I am very disappointed.”
Once again he stands in front of his desk, face down, hands anxiously curled together. “I know father. Please forgive me.” He knows he won’t be forgiven, he’s never forgiven.
“Now how could I forgive you Eskil? How could I ever forgive what you have done? You do know what you have done - how you have once again disgraced yourself and your family - don’t you?”
Eskil can do nothing but nod. Of course he knows he could never do anything right. He’s been told so since... forever.
“You have abandoned your family, shot your own brother, you sided with the Adelswärd’s and you had an affair with another man, a foreign man at that. Do you realise just how much of an abomination you are?”
No, no - I am not. Tears run down his face.
“You are pathetic! Even in your devious, immoral and disgusting ways you couldn’t even manage to keep a dirty frenchman happy - don’t you see how much of a failure you are?”
“I tried,” Eskil chokes out, “I tried so hard.”
“And you failed - as always!”
“No - it wasn’t my fault, he said it wasn’t my fault... it’s not my fault... it’s not.” Eskil sobs.
“Of course it was - it’s always been your fault, why do you think that would change now?”
“Because you are dead! I am free now! You’re dead! You’re not real! It’s not real!! Nothing’s real! Stop, stop this, stop it, stop, STOP!!!”
~ Eskil wakes up shouting and shivering.
